My inner teenager and what I wish I could tell her
What is it I’m trying to get out of writing ?
I’m trying to help others on their journey through life.
I can only start at what is my understanding of life and how all the parts fit together.
Let’s start at the beginning
We are born …. And we are totally dependant on our caregivers for survival.
Generally our caregivers are excited ( and totally freaking out) for our impending arrival, getting everything they think we need and being ready to bring you home or to start your life with them.
Beautiful, but there are no manuals when you have a baby, but everyone will give them their opinion on what is best to do and being scared and unsure parents they will take on what is given to them because it’s an EXTREMELY vulnerable time.
Now this is when the real fun begins
From conception to birth is 40 weeks or so, Mum grows and protects a baby inside until one day its show time BAM you are born .
Welcome to Earth little one and from here on natures wheels start turning.
A mothers body knows what to do, it starts producing milk to feed the infant, such fun when a baby starts crying and her boobs start leaking milk …YAAA
Her body will start changing back to what it was before she got pregnant, adjusting her hormones ( this can take up to 6 months), the uterus will start shrinking back to its previous size( this can take up to 6 weeks) and losing baby weight can take up to 18 months. ( not that this is important other than for her general well being and not to meet social expectations). This is the physical stuff, it’s the mental process and the chemical changes that take a toll.
All this while the new little human is demanding attention when it’s hungry, tired, uncomfortable, belly aches, new feels, bright lights, dark nights and all the other things.
Mums trying to feed the new human while surviving on not many hours sleep, getting food when they can and maybe still doing all the things that need doing around a house, all dependant on the support system they have ( No judgement, everyone is different and no two circumstances are them same).
Our parents are repeating patterns in their lives, automatically and unconsciously doing what their parents did and their combined parents before that, because that’s what they saw and experienced in their lives.
How far back does this go ? Well how long is a piece of string ?
It’s an answer that has no meaning when it is an Unconscious response, and what do I mean by this ?
There have been studies done with Mice (cruel I know and animal testing is getting phased out but the information gathered is important) that shows when they associated a smell of Cherry blossom with a mild electric shock in male mice that the pups produced from that male inherited the FEAR of the scent of cherry blossom and more neurones in theirs noses to detect cherry blossom specifically even though they had not been shocked like the dad had. Seriously, the fears our grandparents had are passed down to us even if we haven’t been in their situation and our bodies have been genetically altered by that fear. How freaky is the fact that your grandparent’s past health affects you.
Your grandmother was born with her grandchildren’s eggs in her, so the things that affected her health and wellbeing were passed onto you !!
At the time of this writing in 2021 I am thinking about my grandmother and what her life must have looked like 100 years ago. Life was harder, families grew their own food, made the clothes their children needed and women were mothers and housewives first and foremost, then came WW2 where their roles changed and they went into the workforce because the men went to war. Their worlds were much harsher in that they were second class citizens, they couldn’t vote, they couldn’t have a bank account without their husband’s permission and the injustices were many and varied compared to the freedoms we have today. My point is that the fears and insecurities they had are in our cells today.
Knowing these things gives us awareness that not every fear we have is our own.
So here you are today, at whatever age you are, functioning from unconscious drives held deep in our cellular structure. But the great thing is you have a choice to challenge these drives both physical and mental and all it takes is awareness and a fair bit of forgiveness.
Firstly, remember when I spoke about the mothers hormones needing to get back to where they were pre pregnancy, well let’s look at that.
From infancy to adolescence we are just growing into our skin, our cells just keep doubling and growing and then we reach milestones and birthdays and the years pass and hopefully they are carefree and happy. But then one day, it changes.
Our brains turn on the hormone taps and shit really starts to get weird. All the feels change, we get angry for no reason, cry at the drop of a hat, start feeling insecure because we are different from our friends (AS WE SHOULD BE, WE ARE ALL UNIQUE AND INDIVIDUAL) and our parents are also freaking out because they have forgotten what it was like to feel like teenagers, just like a mother forgets the pain of childbirth, it’s a human response so that we keep reproducing ( imagine if all the pains we felt were remembered, we would be too scared to do anything, skinned knee, broken arm, no thanks not running around like an idiot anymore potential hurt factor too great).
Here we are standing at the beginning of a great transition
Just like millions before us but feeling totally unprepared and terrified at the changes we are going to experience. Our bodies do who knows what and that’s just how it is going to be.
Well what can i do about it?
Take a breath, take many many breaths when you start to feel anxious, scared or cranky, learn to meditate so you can calm yourself.
Get a book and read, educate yourself on what’s really going on because your thoughts and your body are two different things.
Your mind is going to run on the autopilot I have already explained , it’s safety device is to hold us back so we don’t get hurt, however we are not living the same life our genetics remember, we are not being hunted down by Saber tooth tigers ( yes our genetics remember that too) We are living in houses with blankets that keep us warm and food to sustain us. Separate your worries and find a trick you can do yourself to bring your thoughts back to a GOOD place.
Maybe “IM OK AND SAFE” as a mantra when you feel the panic spiral rising in your tummy
Maybe “OH LOOK A HORMONE SURGE” lol but you get the picture.
Your thoughts and your body are separate
You need to recognise what your body is doing and respond with conscious effort. This will take time, it takes practice to listen to your body and the way it talks to you. Learning this at an earlier age is going to help you from this point onwards.
It’s unlikely that some parents even understand these concepts but modern scientific models show us that we are so much more than reactions to situations, we learn and adapt and can become more than we even think possible.
If I was able to tell my teenage self anything
It would be
You are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you and one day your unique talents will bring something special to the world.
My inner teenager and what I wish I could tell her